10 Things You Might Not Know About Victoria Kirkpatrick

People in my life tell me all the time that they know me. They are always saying that they know what I'm going to say or that they knew I would do that. Well, I have put together this little list of things that will prove that they don't know me at all. When they read this, they will laugh out loud and say 'Oh my god, I never knew that about Victoria!'. Strangers or wanderers on the world wide web will read this and think what a strange person I am. Both reactions are just fine with me. Enjoy!

Yep, you read that correctly. I hate it when my food touches on my plate. My mom has made fun of me for years because when I serve up my plate of food and sit down to eat, I make little paths between the different foods. I make sure there is no corn in the mashed potatoes or no spinach touching my green beans. I do eat mixed up foods, but they are supposed to be mixed up and everything touching everything else. Foods served individually should not be mixed up. I know it is all going to the same place and will be all mixed up in my stomach, but that doesn't matter. What is important is how it begins, and segregation is the way it starts. Meatloaf should not be touched by spinach or the spinach juice! OH GOD, just imagining that makes me cringe. Soggy meatloaf soaked with spinach juice. Gross! Best invention ever? Plates with divided sections.

I am 41 years old and you would be surprised how many people who have known me for years and years suddenly notice one day that I have this birthmark. It's truly shocking! Hands are kind of out there, you see peoples hands all the time and I tend to wave my hands around when I talk. I also was an American Sign Language interpreter, so that sort of puts the hands out in front! How can someone who sees me all the time really not notice this thing. When it gets cold and my hands are cold, it turns purple and blazes out like a beacon. Strangers notice it and ask about it. Cashiers notice and ask all the time! I'm a licensed nail technician and customers ALWAYS ask about it while I'm doing their manicure. I just don't get it, how can my friends have never noticed.

In high school I was on the school swim team. Every day before practice and after practice we would do floor exercises in our swimsuits on the tile around the pool. So we were wallowing around on the floor. After all that wallowing, we would each jump in the pool and rinse off and play around a little before getting out and showering and heading off to school. The pool was not on school property.

One day after our wallowing exercises, I dove into the pool like normal. The problem with that? I was not at the deep end of the pool as I normally was. I was at the other end. Yep, you guessed it! I landed smack on top of my head in the shallow end of the pool. This might explain some things. Anyway, I came up freaking out and in pain and no one was looking, the coach was nowhere in sight. So I got out, went and showered very carefully cause I was in some serious pain. When my mother got there to pick me up I instantly started crying and she took me straight to the emergency room. They x-rayed my skull and found that I had a hairline fracture right across the top. Uh huh, I broke my skull. Brain damage may have resulted but the jury is still out on that. My brother would tell you that I am brain damaged but that's another point in my list of 10 things.

Ok, this one isn't such a big secret. Some of my friends will know this about me. I love technology and gadget thingies. At this moment there are about six gadgets I am lusting after with a passion. It just thrills me to lay my hands on some new thingie that will beep and tweet and show flashy pictures and just generally make life more difficult while you are trying to learn to use it, in order to make your life easier! The thing I want most right now is a new tablet. My old tablet is about as old as dirt and runs slower than a frozen turtle covered in frozen molasses. I really really really want that new Samsung Galaxy Note pro.....Oh yes, please!

Ok, maybe not the WORST. Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer are the top two worst, then I'm number three.

My brother and I are very similar in that we like the same kinds of music, the same sorts of stupid movies (mostly) and have the same sense of humor. We are readers and technophiles. I'm the older sibling though, it's just the two of us, and I have to admit I did terrorize him in our youth. I'm the one who told him that french kissing meant rubbing noses with the dog. Ok, I still have to laugh over that one! I mean, seriously, who wants to tell their little brother what french kissing is, so I made something up. I didn't know he would tell his friends he french kisses his dog! Yeah, I think he still hadn't lived that one down when we moved out of town 10 years later. I'm the one who, along with a friend who was spending the night, put torn up wet tissues in his bed as he slept so that in the morning he woke up in a gross mess. Mom always punished me and whichever friend had spent the night, but we didn't care and would do it again cause we thought it was ssssooo funny. Looking back now, I don't know what we thought was funny about it. Kids do stupid things.

So now we are grown, I'm 41 and he is 39, and we are both happily married. Married to other people, not each other. Eeewww! In spite of all the intervening years of no torture, he still thinks of me as his horrible older sister. Guess I can't blame him.

Everyone has that fear on a roller coaster, you can't fool me. For at least one instant when the cars are at the top of the hill and you are facing down that enormous slope and it feels like you're just going to tumble backside over ears out of the roller coaster car, you think you are going to die. Yes, I hold my hands up and I must ride in the first car, it's more thrilling that way. As I open my mouth and start to scream, it just happens. Instead of just screaming an ear splitting scream of fear, like most other roller coaster riders, I scream and then it morphs into "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!". I have one friend who still cracks up to this day about this. The first time she rode a roller coaster with me she thought it was the funniest thing. I'm sure the riders behind me who hear this screech of fear are less enthused about it!!

Yep, I sure do. And it's in a place that people can see! Ok, so it doesn't show every day but it shows! I always wanted a tattoo and when I turned 30 I decided I was going to get one. I had recently had a bad breakup and my reaction was to run to the tattoo parlor. Not the most balanced reaction but at least the result was the harmless little tattoo that I have and not some monstrosity across my back or down a leg. It's just small and neat and doesn't name names or dates or involve skulls or hearts with daggers and it doesn't involve the word Mom.

You can't tell in that photo but it's on the inside of the left ankle.

Holy cow do I hate birds! They are creepy! The have creepy beady eyes and creepy pointy beaks and, the worst part, creepy scaly feet! (whole body shiver) People think it's hilarious but I'm seriously creeped out by birds. One day there was one of these creatures of Satan inside the call center I used to work in. It flew in through the shipping/receiving bay doors and made it's way over to the cubicle farm where I worked. I knew where that creature was every moment and if it even looked like it was headed my way I was under my desk in a heartbeat! I know sometimes birds fly in through the doors at Walmart or other big stores with high ceilings and doors that open and close all day long. If I'm in Walmart and I see a bird flying around, I'm so out of there people's heads spin.

I have to make a disclaimer here. My mom had finches for a while. Now, I would never ever ever in a million years touch one voluntarily, however, these little finches where sweet and I liked their little beeping noises. They had a baby and my mom would whistle "If I only had a brain" from the wizard of oz and this little baby learned that song and made it part of his song. So in all his little beeps and whistles you would sometimes hear parts of 'If I only had a brain'. Sadly, all her finches have passed on and she no longer keeps birds. Thank God is all I have to say because now I don't have to worry about her asking me to take care of them for any reason. She once asked me if I would feed her chickens while she was out of town. I looked at her like she had lost her mind and she instantly withdrew the question. I don't care how many protective layers of hazmat suit are around me, I will never ever enter a cage filled with birds of any kind for any reason.

I apologize for the profanity in that photo but it captures my feeling exactly!!

Cheesy as she is, I have to admit that I like this song. Alright, I know, I have no soul. She has sort of flopped as a person overall. Fortunately, I haven't heard much about her lately in the news or tabloids, maybe she has taken time off from embarrassing herself to grow up. I hope so. She isn't a bad singer, but not the best. I think there would be a market for her music. I mean come on, if Justin Bieber can make it big there is hope for Paris Hilton as a singer.

Since I'm talking about music, I have to own up to another musical love. Since I was a kid I have loved Barry Manilow's music. The first albums I ever owned were Barry Manilow albums. My parents bought me a turn table to have in my bedroom (we're talking 1979 or 1980) and along with it, Barry Manilow One Voice and Barry Manilow The Greatest Songs of the Seventies. I can remember in kindergarten thinking that my next door neighbors adult son looked just like Barry Manilow and I had the biggest crush on him. I can't remember his name anymore, but I remember clearly being convinced he was secretly Barry Manilow and would fall in love with me when I was older.

Well, there they are. Ten things most people don't know about me. Well, I guess they know them now!

I hope you enjoyed this little peak into my twisted brain. Don't ask for any more, I won't tell!